If there was a magic pill, then it would be AWARENESS. I can’t stress enough how important it is to be aware of yourself, your surroundings, aware of the people you’re interacting with. Everything falls into place and the universe will give you a helping hand, because you see and feel what’s happening in the present moment.
You don’t have to worry about what to say or how to act. There are so many things going on in the present moment, if you only pay attention. Everything becomes so easy!
The reason why so many guys are struggling in the first place with becoming aware is the fact that they’re not conscious of their body. They’re totally caught up in their minds and the thoughts running through it – their internal dialogue . Having an agenda and a preferred outcome is totally blocking a natural flow when interacting with a girl.
Now why do you think so many guys have an agenda and a preferred outcome which they think will benefit them the most? EGO! Let me repeat this for you…EGO! Like many of us we start this self-development road because we think we can’t talk well with girls. Not aware of all the negative thoughts running through our mind, making this our true image of ourselves, seeing and believing that this is the reality. The pain gets bigger and bigger. Until finally we have to, one of the hardest things a man can possible do in his life, say to ourselves that we suck at communicating with girls! Especially when we have to attract the girls we find most attractive.
This is not something which happens overnight. We can neglect the feelings at first. Get some instant gratification by giving Youporn a visit, or for those who have money, visit a prostitute. Not aware of that gap we’re always trying to fill up, as soon as there is a feeling arising and we react accordingly with an instant response. For a short while it will be gone, feeling satisfied with that instant gratification. The only problem is that you didn’t have to do anything for it. Ok in that moment you solved the problem, but not for long. It will come back. I can guarantee that 100%. As long as you keep avoiding your feelings and keep looking for CHEAP and EASY options then you’ll only make it harder for yourself to grow into that masculine trustworthy, sexual man who naturally and effortlessly attracts girls.
The Infamous Sugar Daddy
Let me tell you a true story about the sugar daddy of a girl I’m really close to, who was a stripper. For those who don’t know what a sugar daddy is let me explain it real quick.
A sugar daddy is a guy (sometimes a lot older then the girl) who is the provider of those (striptease) girls. He will give them everything as long as it comes to money. The money this guy spent on this girl is so ridiculously high that some think I would make this up. Trust me I’m not. It goes somewhere between $50K to $100K. Needless to say girls who work in a striptease bar all want a guy like that. Then if I tell you that this guy didn’t even had sex with this girl, it’s even more like a science fiction story. This guy is as rich as the sea is deep.
He has all the money in the world, power and wealth. I’m sure in his business he’s a well respected man. For the girl however it’s almost zero, he’s just a walking wallet. Thinking he can buy her respect with all his money. Well he can’t! These sugar relationship consist solely of cash favours. The only thing being feed here is her wallet and her ego. And as we all know, the ego never has enough. It’s only a matter of time until it’s hungry again.
In his mind he thinks he’s a gentleman with proper manners but all he is doing is lowering his self-worth and avoiding himself.
One time she even said to me that she’s starting to feel sorry for him and if he really wouldn’t notice that’s she’s putting on a mask every time she sees him. But then the hungry ego is there again and the show continues again.
Now let’s pause here for a moment…how hard would you think it is for this man to be honest for himself and see things as they really are and face up to how badly he sucks at communicating with girls, and that his approach is not really beneficial for him?
It would be such a KICK in his face, like he never had before. So his ego will do everything to protect him. Better to stay in his own little fake reality then face the truth. The girl is also acting and saying everything he wants to hear. The more she pushes him away, the more unreachable she gets, and the more he will try. He has already invested so much time and money, and normally this man gets what he wants whenever he wants it.
His lack of awareness is so poor because he is so caught up in his thoughts created by the ego, thinking he can buy everything with his money. The only thing he’s buying here is a poor fake side of this girl, who will squeeze every last penny out of him if she can.
Don’t neglect the power of the ego
Like with the story above, you can be aware of yourself and your surroundings and still avoid it. That’s how powerful the internal dialogue can be within ourselves, our own little ego. This awareness can be very powerful, whether it’s being aware of yourself or your surroundings. The one thing that can/will stand in the way is THE EGO and it will do everything to protect its self-image.
The moment you start to REALISE, you’ve been caught up by the mind trick by the ego, become aware, deal with it and change direction. It may seem hard, but avoiding yourself and your emotions will turn against you in the end.
I hope for this sugar daddy he will never lose his money because then he will have to face his demons that he’s been avoiding all these years.
Be Aware of What?!
First, be aware of yourself. The thoughts that are running through your mind. Are they positive or negative?! If they’re somewhere along the lines of:
- “I suck so bad, I will never be able to get this sorted out in my life.”
- “It’s just not for me, I just have to accept it.”
- “I’m such a loser.”
- “One day I will take ACTION, but just not NOW.”
then you have to cut off this internal-dialogue and reframe them in a positive way:
- “I’m GOING to DO whatever it takes to get this handled in my life!”
- “I DESERVE this as much as anyone else, I can FUCKING do this!”
- “I can fall down, but I can get UP again and again and again as much as I NEED to!”
- “I will start NOW! Not tomorrow, next week or next month..NOW!”
Second, the feelings that arise in your body. Be fully aware of them and don’t neglect those either. The good as well as the bad ones. In fact, there are no good or bad feelings. Everything is there for a reason and this way our survival mechanism gives us subtle hints on what action we should take or not.
I recently had a client and this guy was so disconnected from himself that he couldn’t even feel what was going on within himself. Needles to say his lack of awareness on the opposite sex was also zero which made it really hard for him to connect with them.
I don’t care if you have to meditate for months or years. See that you feel what’s going on inside you. This will make your journey a lot easier for those around you and most important for YOURSELF!
Third, be aware of your environment! If you see that girl put your entire focus on YOUR BREATH, the pressure from your feet touching the ground, totally be in your body and the sensations there.
Then walk over and start with saying “Hi” or whatever pops up. If you’re totally aware there are so many things you can start expressing. How is she reacting? What facial expression does she have? Was she in a hurry? Did she look happy? In what kind of an environment is she currently at? e.g. bookshop, coffee shop, library, train station, airport,..What is she wearing? Is she slim? Does she do sports?
If you pay close attention then, you can already tell a lot of what’s going on in the present moment. Get to know her, found out what she’s all about to see if you can resonate with her. Build that connection!
This is so fucking POWERFUL that if you’re really present she will see, feel and notice it and you’re already way ahead of the competition by just being in the present moment.
There’s nothing more pleasant to interact with someone who is in the present moment and who sees/feels of what’s going on. You don’t have to spill a lot of energy wasting on making the other party clear on how you feel or where you’re at.
Imagine a friend or family member (and we all have someone like that) who only talks about himself and YOU just don’t seem to get one word through. His lack of awareness is solely on him. After 10 minutes you just feel your energy draining away.
The same goes when you meet a girl and you would only put your focus on yourself, like most guys do.
An interaction should be enjoyable for both parties and not just for you. That’s why it’s called interaction: The idea of a two-way effect is essential in the concept of interaction, as opposed to a one-way causal effect. Communication of any sort, for example TWO people talking to each other.
That’s why meditation is so powerful and important. Don’t make the mistake of meditating just for 20 minutes a day and then shift your awareness into your head for the rest of the day. Your focus should remain in your body as much as possible.
Whenever you’re aware TRY TO FEEL your body. The air that’s going in and out of your nose. Your clothes touching your body. EVERY TIME you catch yourself thinking to much do as I just mentioned above. I do this as much as possible throughout the day. Meditation is not just for 20 minutes , it’s for the rest of your life. That’s the only place where the NOW is and that’s in your BODY not in your MIND.
For now I’m going to rent a bike and discover Phuket as it is my last day here.
Ps: If you’re still not sure what I’m talking about I suggest you press here.
See you soon,